In regards to my adventure on Christmas for those of you that heard of it but not actually what happened...
I knew it was unwise to try and finish my shopping on Christmas Eve, but I really wanted to exchange one of the books I bought for another one. That's reasonable, right? Well apparently not. The crowds weren't bad, the lines not too long and Borders still had what I wanted in stock. Unfortunately my body didn't receive the memo that it was Christmas Eve and it's not allowed to misbehave. While shopping for books I started seeing some stars all over the store which was strange because I didn't recall seeing any stars the last time I was there. The bright stars turned to dizziness, dizziness turned to headache, headache to migraine, and by the time I arrived back home... it was time to turn around and head to the ER.
I know it might seem strange that a migraine is cause for a trip to the ER, but because the of tumor growth/thickening in my brain, there is the risk of complications in my brain and of course headaches and nausea are two of the symptoms. By the time we reached the ER my speech was slurred, left hand numb and I was spaced out. It was definitely scary at the time, but after a long few hours I was admitted and moved up to another floor to spend the night. The CT scans showed no new change in the brain (thank the Lord) and after a good night sleep (aided by some nice drugs) I woke up feeling better. After a morning / afternoon of more testing I was home around 5pm Christmas day! The End.
Later this evening, my parents and I will be heading to Pittsburgh to meet with a Doctor about a clinical trial of some medication that is being developed to treat Ependymomas in a similar fashion to a Chemo drug. We are hopeful that this new method might be effective on my tumors, otherwise we wouldn't be driving down there. I'll probably put a new post up when we get back with an update.
Thank you for your support, it means a lot!
- Patrick
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Life... good grief
"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."
- Psalm 23:6
One of my favorite songs, written by Jon Foreman, comes from this, the twenty-third psalm. The writer, David, finds comfort in the reality that those who trust in the Lord become members of his "house" and will be followed by goodness and love (mercy) for all the days of their life.
On Wednesday of this week, I received news of another life-altering change in my battle with spinal tumors. After surgery, 6 weeks of radiation therapy and loads of medication over the last 9 months, it turns out that these tumors will not relent. The most recent MRI of my spine and brain has shown an apparent thickening / worsening / growth in some tumors; primarily on the spinal cord. With the conventional treatments exhausted, we have to begin to look outside of Akron.
That wasn't the news I expected, imagined, or desired. It was powerful right hook to the jaw late in a boxing match which I thought I was winning. Suddenly, I found myself dizzy, spinning, and way behind in this match. It seems as if at this point, it's going to take something special, something unconventional or something miraculous to pull me back into the fight.
But, even in this trial, I'll stand up and fight. God never taught me to quit. God never suggested that I complain. God never leaves or checks out. His goodness and love have followed me and will continue to follow me all the days of my life. Our health, our safety, and our comfort were never promised in the physical realm. Just ask Job, Paul or Jesus. God's goodness and love go far deeper than the physical, they're spiritual truths. In the middle of pain, in the middle of suffering, God's promises remain true and we can rejoice in anything. We, as followers of Christ, are members of the house of the Lord, FOREVER... period.
Verse one of this Psalm proclaims that the Lord is our shepherd, and we shall not want. That sounds silly because I absolutely want to be healed from this disease. But the word want goes so much deeper than a superficial want. The reality of belonging to Jesus brings with it the joy of being completely and utterly satisfied in him and his love. No circumstance can change his love for us and our completeness in him. Paul goes as far as to declare in Philippians that he has learned to be content in every situation.
This news is still really hard for me to digest. I want to get physically well again, I don't want a list of medications, I don't want to be tied down by this, but at the end of the day, God still calls me his son. His love for me is cause for joy even in trials, and the opportunity to serve him and make his name great is the only thing worth living for. Our idols of health, safety, prosperity, fame... they'll crash eventually, but praise be to God that he has torn down my idols for me through this experience. I'm empowered to live in complete freedom from those lies that enslaved me with fear, and at every moment in my life I can remember...
..."I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
I'd appreciate your prayers and your encouragement in the upcoming weeks / months / years as the human side of me fights to stay positive and close to God.
p.s. for encouragement, you don't need to ask me about me as much as you need to tell me about your lives, your joys and your struggles. Talking about me and my health gets old, but your stories and lives never get old! Hearing what God is doing in lives of others is more encouraging than you'd think.
Love you all,
- Patrick
- Psalm 23:6
One of my favorite songs, written by Jon Foreman, comes from this, the twenty-third psalm. The writer, David, finds comfort in the reality that those who trust in the Lord become members of his "house" and will be followed by goodness and love (mercy) for all the days of their life.
On Wednesday of this week, I received news of another life-altering change in my battle with spinal tumors. After surgery, 6 weeks of radiation therapy and loads of medication over the last 9 months, it turns out that these tumors will not relent. The most recent MRI of my spine and brain has shown an apparent thickening / worsening / growth in some tumors; primarily on the spinal cord. With the conventional treatments exhausted, we have to begin to look outside of Akron.
That wasn't the news I expected, imagined, or desired. It was powerful right hook to the jaw late in a boxing match which I thought I was winning. Suddenly, I found myself dizzy, spinning, and way behind in this match. It seems as if at this point, it's going to take something special, something unconventional or something miraculous to pull me back into the fight.
But, even in this trial, I'll stand up and fight. God never taught me to quit. God never suggested that I complain. God never leaves or checks out. His goodness and love have followed me and will continue to follow me all the days of my life. Our health, our safety, and our comfort were never promised in the physical realm. Just ask Job, Paul or Jesus. God's goodness and love go far deeper than the physical, they're spiritual truths. In the middle of pain, in the middle of suffering, God's promises remain true and we can rejoice in anything. We, as followers of Christ, are members of the house of the Lord, FOREVER... period.
Verse one of this Psalm proclaims that the Lord is our shepherd, and we shall not want. That sounds silly because I absolutely want to be healed from this disease. But the word want goes so much deeper than a superficial want. The reality of belonging to Jesus brings with it the joy of being completely and utterly satisfied in him and his love. No circumstance can change his love for us and our completeness in him. Paul goes as far as to declare in Philippians that he has learned to be content in every situation.
This news is still really hard for me to digest. I want to get physically well again, I don't want a list of medications, I don't want to be tied down by this, but at the end of the day, God still calls me his son. His love for me is cause for joy even in trials, and the opportunity to serve him and make his name great is the only thing worth living for. Our idols of health, safety, prosperity, fame... they'll crash eventually, but praise be to God that he has torn down my idols for me through this experience. I'm empowered to live in complete freedom from those lies that enslaved me with fear, and at every moment in my life I can remember...
..."I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
I'd appreciate your prayers and your encouragement in the upcoming weeks / months / years as the human side of me fights to stay positive and close to God.
p.s. for encouragement, you don't need to ask me about me as much as you need to tell me about your lives, your joys and your struggles. Talking about me and my health gets old, but your stories and lives never get old! Hearing what God is doing in lives of others is more encouraging than you'd think.
Love you all,
- Patrick
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